1 Somewhere Rd,
4th September 2016
1 Somewhere Rd,
Dear Oga Landlord,
What You Need to Know Before I Deal with You
I called Morufu to help me write this letter because I need to yarn you wetin dey ground. Wetin I get for mind concerning your matter and how you go hear wen!
I came to your house just six months ago, in a bid to get accommodation, I still remember the blue Agbada you wore, your smiling face and your seemingly kind countenance. I never knew I was in soup. I just moved out of my mini flat at Egbeda, to your face-to-face apartment at Ajegunle, I had lost my job at Ogba and I needed to cater for my young wife Ajike. I used all the money I had to get one room in your house. I never knew I just entered the devil’s trap.
For the first three weeks, I didn’t encounter any challenge, you and my new neighbours gave me a welcome feast. The real wen started when my wife’s pot of soup was stolen in the general kitchen meant for everyone in the compound.
Ajike had just left the kitchen to take garri for eba in the room with your wife still in the kitchen. On her return back to the kitchen, the soup had disappeared within five minutes. She held the Garri in amazement as she couldn’t talk. I no talk too, but we no chop for three days sake of say, una steal our soup. From that day, I don dey watch how I go deal with you.
Two weeks later, you insisted that you will remove my roof because I didn’t pay NEPA bills. I know you’re a carpenter and that you’re capable. So, I allowed you but I cracked your ladder at midnight. I heard you fell, landed at the hospital and almost lost your life. I am sorry I did that but that may be one of the prices to pay as a Lagos landlord. The person wey no want make we live make him self no enjoy life.
For your information, I had rest with no more wahala when you were away. I know that being a tenant in Nigeria can be somehow and that housing in Nigeria is stressful. Every time I saw you limp, I laugh. I laugh so much that I roll on the floor.
Oga landlord there are a lot more things we had together, enjoy this first piece of writing, other letters are coming in this series, Enjoy!
Na me o!