Letters to My Landlord (3)

Show Man

1 Somewhere Rd,

Ajegunle Lagos.

10th September 2016

Mr Landlord,

1 Somewhere Rd,

Ajegunle Lagos.


Dear Oga Landlord,

I Dey Kampe

I wan salute you small before I start today, I hear say your pikin Shalewa born boy. I dey happy well well because Mama Shalewa go cook jollof and fried rice for us. We never chop una food before. I go wait to see if na one meat abi na two meat una go put for the food on the day of the naming ceremony.

I never forget where I stop for my last letter o. I dey tell you wetin I do you wen you no pay my wife her for soap. I simply waited for a day to catch you. Then, I saw mama Shalewa washing your clothes, one Saturday evening. She spread them on the line at the back of my window. I discovered that one of the pockets looked bigger than the other.I wondered why it was so and why she didn’t notice it. It was already getting dark but there was light. I knew I needed to do something about the bigger pocket. I needed to confirm my suspicion, but  I couldn’t because  Rofiat was sitting close to my window.

So I tried something different. I sneaked into the kitchen to turn off the meter. Seeing that other compounds had light, Rofiat jumped from her seat to announce to everyone that something was wrong with our light. Immediately, I dipped my hand into your pocket and brought out the money that was inside the pocket.

I fulfilled my suspicion, it was money that was in your swollen pocket. I went inside my room to keep the money. Then, I went to join those that were looking for a solution to the light issues. They didn’t know that I disconnected it because we had no meter and they were all scared of the naked wires twisted together. I told them that I would try fixing it before calling an electrician.

I fixed back the light in less than five minutes. I became a superstar in the house. By the time I went back inside the room to count the money, it was 15,500 Naira. I was so happy.

The next morning, you started fighting Mama Shalewa, claiming that she stole your money. I just stood by watching the both of you. I felt for her but I couldn’t help it. This time, I won. I went back to my room shoulder high.

You may say that I am a thief, but I say you are a bigger thief because you have chosen to oppress poor Ajike. I paid Ajike and  I bought Paraga with some of the money. I would always be one step higher you. Thank you for the money. Ajike needs my attention now. I would get back to you later, so we can continue. Morufu my writer dey hail you.

I hail you!




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